Desperately Yours

JESSE Metcalfe. It’s hard to place the man. We look at his face but nothing comes to mind.

The more we look, the less we know. Jesse seems nice enough, in that clean, homespun American way. He’s got great teeth, all perfectly white and lined up like fat lines of cocaine carefully arranged on a supermodel’s dressing table.

And he wears a neat range of shirts. There’s a white one, a voile number with flecks that say Farah trousers for Men 1984. And a black T-shirt. And a black shirt. And then a white V-neck vest. And then…

And then nothing. Jesse has his top off and at once we recognise him. He’s that Hollywood hunk with a hose from TV’s Desperate Housewives.

But what’s up with Jesse? Come on Jesse tell us, and if you can talk out of your left nipple you’ll save us the bother of looking at your face.

But Jesse’s not playing, what with his being a serious actor and not some bit of fluff.

Jesse’s mouth says he’s dating Irish pop singer Nadine Coyle.

To prove it he snuggles up with the woman who found fame on a reality TV show. In one picture Jesse cuddles her from behind, his right arm lying across her waist, his left arms holding on below her throat.

Nonetheless, Nadine manages to breathe and she tells us that she and Jesse met in a bar in Australia. His people and her people decided they should meet. So they did.

One thing led to another and now the pair are dating. Jesse has even met Nadine’s mum and dad.

And he is talking about getting married and having kids. Although whether he does with Nadine remains to be seen.

And, in case you are wondering, the relationship is in no way a publicity stunt. Things just happen.

And then Jesse’s shirt falls open again…

Posted: 26th, June 2006 | In: Reviews Comment | TrackBack | Permalink