Neighbourhood Watch

SO what happens next?

Dame Eliza Manningham-Buller knows. On the Sun’s front page (“200 TERROR CELLS IN UK”), the “boss” of MI5 says terrorism is out to get each and every one of us.

“It aims to wear down our will to resist. All of us, whatever your ethnicity and faith are the targets of terrorists,” says she.

She goes on to say: “Today we see the use of homemade improvised explosive devices. Tomorrow’s threat may – and I suggest WILL – include the use of chemicals, biological agents, radioactive materials and even nuclear technology.”

It’s sounds grim, dangerous even. Might it be an idea to unleash our radioactive materials and even nuclear technology on them before they do so on us?

Or perhaps the overworked security service needs more money and resources – Dame Manningham–Buller says her 2,800 spooks are at full stretch and are potentially unable to “stop the next attack”.

We need to help. But can money alone be enough without policy? What about if each of us was fingerprinted and agreed to be in our own beds by dusk each night? Or if we could operate a rota system whereby only certain numbers are allowed out in the daytime – Protestants on Monday, Shia Muslims on Wednesday afternoons, Austrian backpackers on Thursday between 1:30 and 1:34am?

For now, that might be hard to police. Better if the Dame and her shiny suits were given more funding. As she says, many of her agents are flat out collecting intelligence “at some cost to their private lives and in some cases their safety”. The money cannot reach her soon enough.

And we can do our bit. Think of yourself less as a neighbourhood watch coordinator and more as a part-time spook, a community Bond keeping vigil over your cul-de-sac.

There you are at the window, the front-line in this war on terror, semaphoring to your group in an ever more complex series of curtain twitches.

One twitch for “keep ‘em peeled”. Two twitches for “Watch the darkie with the beard”. Three twitches and a twirl of the netted swag for “Neighbours is about to start – must dash”.

Posted: 10th, November 2006 | In: Tabloids Comment (1) | TrackBack | Permalink