Channel 4 Advertises For Willing Knife Crime Murder Victim
ARE you dying? Do you have nothing to lose apart from the last remaining shred of dignity the hospital treatment affords you? Well, Fulcrum TV want you for a new telly show. You will be knifed to death in an East London kebab shop to show the viewers just how terrible it is. Or you might be allowed to die in some other imaginative way.
However you die, you can be filmed to be filmed in the run-up to your death for your entertainment. It’s a little bit of Switzerland we can all enjoy. Mumbling about Jade Goody or saying it’s what she would have wanted are not vital but may add an edge to your death. Here’s the advert:
“We are currently keen to talk to someone who, faced with the knowledge of their own terminal illness and all that it entails, would nonetheless consider undergoing the process of ancient Egyptian embalming.”
Good news for you who missed being plasticised.
Fulcrum’s TV’s executive producer, Richard Belfield offers:
“We would like to film with you over the next few months to understand who you are and what sort of person you are so the viewers get to know you and have a proper emotional response to you.”
Can we cheer?
“It may sound rather macabre but we have mummified a large number of pigs to check that the process worked and it does.”
It’s not mummification – it’s making pigs in blankets with you as the pig. Has anyone called Heston Blumenthal? There’s a televised dinner party in this.
“We have lined up scientists to support the project and found a place approved by the Human Tissue Authority where the mummification would take place.
“Afterwards one thought was – though this is not obligatory – to put the body in an exhibition in a proper museum so people can properly understand the mummification process. That is something we would be flexible about. But we would like to keep the body for two or three years to see that the mummification process worked. Then the normal funeral arrangements could be made.”
With a huge TV funeral, Jack Tweed and loadsa sobbing. but we leave you with an eptitaph – the greatest quote of all time. Mr Belfield:
“The advice from our compliance lawyers is that it would be wrong to offer payment.”
Rest In Pieces… – “Look Mummy – I’m On The Telly”
Posted: 11th, January 2010 | In: Celebrities Comment | TrackBack | Permalink
