Comic Strip

‘AFTER witnessing their demure, ladylike behaviour on our television screens over the past couple of months, the photographs of the Big Brother gals in today’s Sun come as something of a shock.

”Oi, Derek. Someone’s nicked our keks.”

The paper reckons they’re ”the most amazing Big Bruv pictures you will ever see!”

Does tubby Alison devour her fellow housemates in the order in which they were evicted? Does Jade keep her clothes on?

Britain’s most famous porker, sadly, is not in attendance (of which more later), so it’s left to the victorious Kate Lawler to supply the bulk of amazing pictures.

According to the Sun, Kate ”squeezed a male stripper’s manhood and bit his bum as she went wild at a raunchy party”.

Under the headline ”Kate fondles stripper Dick”, it goes on to reveal that she also ”dug her nails into Dreamboys hunk Richard Kane and scraped them down his back, leaving long red scratch marks”.

”She was like a wild animal,” whimpers the mutilated Richard, who was performing at a London bash thrown by Big Brother producers to drag out the tabloid coverage – er, celebrate the end of the series.

Richard says Kate, Alison and Sophie also ”smothered him and his Dreamboy mates in baby oil” as they prepared for the show.

”The girls went absolutely mental,” confirms Dreamboys co-manager Laurel Goodman. ”They were all over them.”

And after being cooped for so long with no male company but a puerile Geordie, an androgynous Essex whinger and a closet ginger who spent more time in front of the mirror than the other 13 housemates combined, can you really blame them?

‘

Posted: 31st, July 2002 | In: Tabloids Comment | TrackBack | Permalink