The Comfi-Slax King

‘THIS story is brought to you by the makers of Comfi-Slax, the adjustable trousers for men of stature.

Dad?

We are proud to announce our association with Peter ”Big Elvis” Vallee, the 550lb Elvis impersonator who has been treading – and breaking – the boards for more than 20 years, delighting young and old alike with his brand of heavyweight hits.

The stage rocks and Vallee rolls as he sings his song about pork-and-greens, invites us to a Clambake, and implores us not to step on his blue suede colostomy bag. Shut your eyes and you could be listening to The King himself, twenty-five years on.

And Vallee has an interesting theory as to the source of his talent. He believes it’s hereditary. ”My mother told me she had an affair with Elvis in 1964, right around the time I was conceived,” he says. ”She never had a paternity test done, so it’s possible that I could be Presley’s illegitimate child.”

Anything’s possible, of course, but we can think of other likely candidates. Deputy Prime Minister John Prescott, for example, was working as a ship’s steward at the time, and we feel sure that not every unattached female customer from the Americas would have been able to resist his silver-tongued charm. ‘

Posted: 23rd, August 2002 | In: Reviews Comment | TrackBack | Permalink