Cold Comfort Farm Produce

”’FOR better, for worse. For richer, for poorer… FOR GOD’S SAKE PUT THAT CHICKEN DOWN!… AT ONCE!… Sorry about that, it’s just that he’s been doing this sort of thing a lot lately…”

An orgy waiting to happen

One can only speculate about the conversation at the marriage guidance office when Ian and Jean Curtis came in for their appointment.

And their issues clearly remained unresolved, because Jean is now filing for divorce after she caught her 47-year-old husband lying on the sofa dressed in a blouse and rubber stockings.

That’s a bit harsh, you might think. Lots of red-blooded heterosexual men enjoy a bit of transvestism – especially those who have been in the armed forces or the police.

Given that Ian is a former military policeman, the odds of him enjoying the occasional cross-dressing session must have been particularly high.

And under normal circumstances, Jean would not have batted an eyelid at this sartorial tomfoolery.

But on this occasion, there was a twist. Another bird was involved, and it wasn’t that strumpet Mrs B from the off-license.

No, sir. For, as the Sun delicately puts it, Ian was busy ”having sex with a FROZEN CHICKEN”.

Jean had been putting up with Ian’s erratic behaviour for some time, but this was the last straw.

”My jaw just dropped,” recalls Jean. ”I said, ‘You dirty b******, that’s my Sunday lunch’.”

Our resident marriage counsellor writes: Jean was understandably distressed to discover Ian in these unusual circumstances, but her response indicates that she was annoyed about her dinner being spoilt, rather than showing concern for her husband.

A frosty situation does not require a frosty reception. Wives in similar circumstances should try to lighten the atmosphere with a joke, such as, ”Is that a maggot in your hand, or are you just glad to see me?”

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Posted: 28th, August 2002 | In: Tabloids Comment | TrackBack | Permalink