Mary, Mary, Quite Contrary

‘WHEN Lord Archer was a free man, as opposed to a weekly boarder, he used to hold regular parties at his ”penthouse” flat by the Thames.

Has she not fragrance? Has she not generosity?

Here, his guests were served the trademark shepherd’s pie and plied with vintage champagne. Or rather, they were plied with liquid served from vintage champagne bottles, for his lordship would instruct the caterers to refill the grand bottles with cheap stuff, which would then be passed off as the real thing.

And at the end of the day, when the last guests had gone home, the dregs would be rebottled for future use.

At least, that’s the most likely explanation for Lady Archer’s latest public embarrassment.

The Times reports that she is appearing at an employment tribunal in Suffolk to defend herself against allegations made by her former personal assistant Jane Williams, who is claiming unfair dismissal after being fired by the fragrant Mary last year.

Williams says that Lady Archer gave her a glass containing an inch of flat champagne as a joint Christmas and birthday present.

While an optimist would see the glass as half full, the ungrateful Williams regards it as half empty, and as an example of her boss’s ”bizarre” behaviour.

She also complains that Lady Archer gave her a fake Calvin Klein watch with a ”Made in China” sticker on the back.

Fragrant Mary contends that Williams sent rude e-mails about her, downed tools at five o’clock, and became rude and sullen.

”When she came to me she was a bright and happy girl,” lamented her ladyship. Later, she became ”an unhappy woman”. Oh dear, ladies, how did it ever come to this?

If only Jeffrey had been around to smooth those ruffled feathers. Without his bubbly presence, life quickly loses its sparkle.

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Posted: 3rd, September 2002 | In: Broadsheets Comment | TrackBack | Permalink