Interstellar Gellar

‘IN a land where even people up north say ”Awight, mate” and ”Nah wot I mean?” in broad EastEnders’ English, it’s a wonder that until now Uri Geller was not a name embedded in the rich pasture of Cockney rhyming slang.

”Bloody weirdo!”

All the old favourites, Richard The Third, Gregory Peck, Jack Jones, Lady Godiver, are rooted way back in the mists of time, and ever since Vera Lynn hung up her Alan Wickers only Lionel Blair’s flairs have come close to updating the rhyming slang dictionary.

It’s something that is hard to Adam and Eve. But if nothing else, TV show I’m A Celebrity…Get Me Out Of Here! is creating a new set of vocal shortcuts.

And so we have interstellar Uri Geller, an apt rhyme for a spoon-bending feller who, as the Sun reports on its front page, is the first to leave the jungle clearing.

And he leaves behind Darren Day, who can be seen on the Star’s cover page posing in high heels, fur wrap and pearls, giving a suitable explanation as to why his career is in such a state, and to the new rhyme: Darren Day – Cabaret.

It’s thin stuff, but not nearly as slender as Tara Palmer-Tomkinson, who can be seen on both the covers of the Express and Mail.

Tara Palmer (French Riviera) is in the news because she’s made a jibe about Dodi Fayed (dog tired).

Inside the Mail, the It girl is heard in conversation with of all people Christine Hamilton. ”I knew Fayed so well,” says TP-T. ”Fayed was so foul to him.” Says Mrs Hamilton: ”The whole thing was false, the idea that they were so bonded.” T-PT agrees.

Back in Knightsbridge, Mohamed Al Fayed was watching the television. He expresses a lack of surprise over Christine Hamilton’s views but is unaware who Tara is.

”She never knew Dodi,” says Al. ”He had better taste than to mix with women like that.” He goes on: ”Like so many nonentities who capitalise on Diana and Dodi, she is trying to make a name for herself by claiming an association she never had.”

Which is pretty much what Tara’s been saying about him.

‘

Posted: 3rd, September 2002 | In: Tabloids Comment | TrackBack | Permalink