Birds Of A Feather

‘LAURA has found her very own mental best mate in the shape of Tom’s ex, Sadie. The two have a lot in common: both are goggled-eyed blondes, who have been off Mr Reality’s Christmas card list for years. Sadie is pretending that Tom has left her and her daughter penniless when in actual fact she’s got a pillowcase stuffed full of cash which she keeps taking out and stroking while holding a picture of Tom to her face. Laura is trying to get Ian Beale to impregnate her – what further proof of her insanity do you need?

According to the tabloids, Laura is set to get pregnant soon and as Ian has had a vasectomy, the bookies are already taking bets on who’s the father. My money’s on any deaf, dumb and blind men that have been through Walford recently.

Now someone in The Square’s started sending poison pen letters and you don’t have to be Miss Marple to work out it’s one of the two mental sisters. Sharon got one warning her from Tom and now Pauline’s got one telling her Lisa’s sleeping with Phil (although they don’t seem to be doing much actual sleeping).

Lisa and Phil’s affair is about to be discovered anyway as Sharon overheard them in Phil’s bedroom, and it wasn’t his collection of My Little Ponies he was showing her in there. ”Whatya fink ya doingLisa?” Sharon, who’s started trying to get her lines out as quickly as possible for some reason, asked. Lisa put on her whiney voice and begged Sharon not to tell Mark. ”I luv Phil, it’s the real fink, Sharon.” Until the next time she decides to shoot him that is.

But the path of true love is finally smoothing out for Billy and Little Mo. The pair shared a very disturbing kiss in the E20 last week after Mo declared that she deserved the love of ”a good man”. So who? Certainly not the former alcoholic and child-abuser Billy? How quickly the Eastenders scriptwriters forget.

Janine is less than happy about the news that Billy and Little Mo are together. Janine has decided that even if Billy isn’t Mr Right, he is Mr Right Now, and stuck her tongue down his throat while he was trying to cash up. Billy told her to move out as he thinks it’s only a matter of time before Little Mo asks to move in. Hope Janine takes the iron with her when she goes.

Jim’s budgie must have a great agent as it continues to have more screen time than most of the cast. This week, her storyline revolved around a bet to see how many eggs she would lay. (Those crazy East End types really know how to have a good time, don’t they?) Dot caught Jim cheating and insisted that he donate his winnings to a home for ageing birds who no one wants anymore. Which is surely where most of the female residents of Albert Square end up?

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Posted: 4th, September 2002 | In: Tabloids Comment | TrackBack | Permalink