Boys’ Brigade

‘EARLIER this week we told how the Army is trying to solve its manpower shortage by welcoming back soldiers who have gone Awol.

”Honest, sir – I’m 12-years-old”

We are happy to report that the policy has been a huge success.

”Army’s flood of recruits since 9/11” trumpets the Sun, ”Record 15,000 set to join ranks.”

And whichever way you look at it, that’s an impressive number in a little over a week. But when you start to look at the story a bit more closely, things don’t quite add up.

For a start, it turns out the 9/11 in question is the one that occurred last year, and not last week.

Then it turns out that the figure of 15,000 is some sort of approximation based on recruits, applications and projected figures – none of which are much use when you need to get together a bunch of have-a-go heroes to give Johnny Foreigner a slap.

Furthermore, it now transpires that at least a quarter of the 100,000 bona fide troops currently in service are nine-year-olds looking to learn a trade and get out by the time they hit puberty.

Once upon a time there was a noble tradition of underage lads volunteering to join up, but now the ”child soldiers” are the subject of campaigns by meddlesome charities and pious politicians.

As a consequence, the Army is remaining understandably coy.

”More young people are becoming aware of the excellent job opportunities,” smiled Brigadier Simon Young, as a distant high-pitched voice barked out commands above the left-right patter of tiny feet.

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Posted: 20th, September 2002 | In: Tabloids Comment | TrackBack | Permalink