Olympic Games

‘THE Maine Road Home for Elderly and Distressed Goalkeepers is pleased to announce that it is moving to new, luxurious premises in Greater Manchester.

Britain’s Olympic bid is up and running

And it is delighted to introduce its latest resident: a Yorkshire lad (but we won’t hold that against him!) called Mr Seaman.

Mr Seaman has lived in London for many years, and has picked up a few funny southern ways, such as wearing his hair in a ponytail, but we are sure that everyone will make him very welcome.

He replaces Mr Schmeichal, who will be missed by all the staff and residents, and he will be arriving next week, as he plans to stop off in Cardiff over the weekend.

The Sun reports that as a special treat, Mr Seaman, who is an Arsenal fan, will be allowed to lead the team out onto the pitch before the FA Cup final – a welcome change from the rather ”ageist” policy of choosing only young children as club mascots.

Well done, David! Although the Telegraph usually takes a keen interest in the elderly, it is too busy blowing its own trumpet to give much thought to Mr Seaman.

”TELEGRAPH SET THE AGENDA – AND THE ANSWER IS… YES,” screams the headline. And the question was: will London bid for the Olympics?

Ken Livingston has come out fighting and reckons that London can beat its rivals – principally Paris and Madrid – and land its first Olympic games for over half a century.

The plans are fantastic, and the world will surely fall in love with the plucky East End bid. Fisher Athletic’s ground will be redeveloped into a 9,000-seat stadium.

A new changing room, with a shower and a hairdryer will be installed at the Plaistow baths. The congestion charge zone will be extended to Stratford in order to clear roads for the marathon, and Tesco will be offering its car parks for the use of team coaches.

And it all makes sound business sense. ”For every pound Londoners pay they are going to get back £3 in investment,” says the man formerly known as Red.

”If you said to most Londoners that if they put in 25 per cent for buying their house we would put in the other 75 per cent, they would jump at it.”

Only Ken himself understands the connection between those two statements, but we’re sure it all adds up.

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Posted: 16th, May 2003 | In: Back pages Comment | TrackBack | Permalink