The Menace

‘DIRTY Den was always going to be a hard act to follow: a ten-year affair that made his wife take an overdose and a one-night stand with his daughter’s best mate being two of his finest moments, but producers are doing their hardest with new boy Dennis.

”You want some?!”

Not content with bedding three of Walford’s regulars in a week, it now transpires that he’s slept with Kate and he’s trying to sleep with his ‘sister’ Sharon.

Dennis decided that the Pig In A Wig would be his next conquest and set about charming her. Luckily for Sharon, his attempts at charm consisted of walking around the flat topless, with his Watts belly hanging out, and leaning against walls, leering at her.

Dennis wasn’t downhearted at Sharon’s rejection for long though as he quickly moved onto Kate. Apparently, Kate had taken Dennis’ particulars down on more than one occasion and he was keen to be taken into custody again.

Phil was in Brazil, visiting Grant after his car crash so Kate invited Dennis over for a drink. It must have been a very big drink though as he was still there the next morning.

In what must be the shortest recorded trip to Brazil ever, Phil returned about three days after he left and found Dennis in his home and Kate in a towelling dressing gown.

”What was he doin’ here?” Phil growled. ”And what are you doin’, dressing as a tart?” Which leads me to believe that Phil really needs to start visiting a better class of tart.

Phil’s decided to give Kate the benefit of the doubt. ”Nothing happened,” pleaded Kate, ”Joanne will back us up.” As Joanne has just been dumped by Dennis for being ”fat, frumpy and boring” that seems very unlikely indeed.

New family, the Ferreiras have opened up a stall in the market – selling exactly the same stock as the Slaters. Who knew the demand for ill-fitting Lycra boob tubes was so high in Walford?

Little sister Kareena is already being blackmailed by Martin, who saw her kissing her secret boyfriend Tariq. Martin took a leather bomber jacket off her stall and demanded six more to keep quiet. In his new leather jacket and recently acquired criminal tendencies, Martin is turning into Nick Cotton.

And on the subject of teen delinquents, Sharon has decided to send Vicki back to America. Vicki’s determined not to go though and hatches up a plan to pretend she’s pregnant.

Unfortunately for Vicki though, it turns out that she actually is. What are the chances of that happening, eh?

‘

Posted: 16th, June 2003 | In: Tabloids Comment (1) | TrackBack | Permalink