My Best China Plate

‘BEFORE we get to the Hello! supplement on ”Prince William at 21”, we are invited to celebrate the Prince’s coming of age with tea and cake.

Instructions: ‘Smear in gravy and then lick all over’

”To mark this major milestone in the life of a young man destined to be King,” say the type, ”we have a commissioned a number of charming commemorative pieces. Each will form a distinctive, lasting record of this special occasion, and make a delightful addition to any collection.”

The choicest fragment of this china collection we believe to be the ”The Caverswall Loving Cup”, a limited edition. With this cup, commoners other than Wills’ own mum will get to feel close to their champion.

The only shame is that his lips are not placed on the lip of the cup so affording his legion of admirers the chance to ”kiss a Prince” with each sip of tea.

Of course, such fragile future heirlooms should be treated with utmost care and only used for great occasions, like William’s birthdays.

In the meantime they should be wrapped up for safe keeping. Rather than read the 52-page report into how great Will is, we invite you to screw it up and pack it round the sides of your new china tea service.

That way when you are pouring, you can glance down at the fragments of newsprint and pepper your conversation with niceties, like the Prince is ”a fine young man”; ”he’s a ”creditable swimmer, footballer, skier, polo and rugby player and huntsman”, dontyerknow; he’s ”attractive” and ”presentable”; and he is ”Prince of all hearts”.

You could even eat your dinner off him…

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Posted: 20th, June 2003 | In: Reviews Comment | TrackBack | Permalink