Safety Call

‘DID you know there was a road safety minister? Well, there is, and his name is, er, hang on, it’s, er, David Jamieson.

Anon

He’s a hard working lad is this minister, and he’s been telling the Guardian that it’s high time the roads were made safer. That is, after all, what the road safety minister does – he makes the roads safer.

Having worked tirelessly to reduce the speed of road traffic to 1.3 miles-per-hour, a velocity where accidents are rarely fatal, the minister is now keen to clamp down hard on people who use their mobile phones whilst driving.

From December 1, anyone caught driving while holding a phone in one hand or in the crook of their shoulder will be fined £30. This can be increased to a maximum of £1,000 if the matter makes it to court.

”Our decision to introduce this new offence will make the roads safer for all,” says the road safety minister, David Whatshisname.

Other road safety measures in the pipeline involve making traffic lights stay on red for 10 minutes at a time, lacing Magic Trees with smelling salts and stationing a policeman in each and every motor vehicle.

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Posted: 25th, June 2003 | In: Broadsheets Comment | TrackBack | Permalink