A Queen’s Ransom

”’GAWD save yer, guv’nor. Spare a bit of change for an OAP. I’ve got four kids and a train to support. Me mum and sister have just died, and me ‘usband don’t understand me.”

”Come on, hand it over. And the rings…”

Touched by her openness and warmth, you all hand over the required 60p each it takes to keep the old bird going on for another year.

As the Times says, this largesse equates to the £36.2 million per annum needed to run the Queen. And, to save her going crown-in-hand for her funds, those nice men in government take it all as a form of tax.

And we would not have it any other way. Alan Reid, Keeper of the Privy Purse, reminds us all, via the Times, that: ”We are not necessarily seeking the cheapest monarchy.”

If we were, would we allow the likes of Prince and Princess Michael of Kent to live rent-free in Kensington Palace for years?

Or permit the Duke of York, in his guise as President of the Football Association, to spend around £35,000 of taxpayers’ cash watching last year’s World Cup?

We are though refreshed to hear, in the Telegraph, that the Queen will not be distributing any cash to do up two rooms in Clarence House used by Prince Charles’ friend Camilla Parker Bowles.

The bedroom and bathroom frequented by the lady who might yet be Queen are not part of the Clarence House renovation project (funded by the taxpayer to the tune of £4.4m) and will be financed from the Prince’s private income.

As a result the spaces will enjoy a ”basic finish”. There will no chandeliers or gold-plated taps.

The rooms will contain a simple bed made from the husks of organic peapods, a few insipid watercolours on the walls and, blocking all the natural window light, a large Mother-In-Law’s Tongue called Liz.

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Posted: 27th, June 2003 | In: Broadsheets Comment | TrackBack | Permalink