Crimes Of Passion

”IF it now falls to me to start a fight, to cut out the cancer of bent and twisted journalism in our country with the simple sword of truth and the trusty shield of traditional British fair play, so be it,’ said Jonathan Aitken, who now speaks with Hello!, the magazine that gives it to your straight.

A great swordsman

Joining Jonathan in his ongoing crusade to rid British life of fraud, deceit and downright lying is his new wife, the lovely Elizabeth Harris.

The magazine tells us the facts, including the truth that Elizabeth has been married before, to the late actor Richard Harris, whom she divorced before he departed stage right for good.

She was not married to Harris on the day of her wedding to Aitken, as that would be a crime.

What would it be? Yes, Mr Aitken, it would indeed be bigamy, and that is one of the many wrongs that Jonathan will not stand for.

It is, of course, not to be confused with adultery which, although a crime against God, is so much a part of traditional fair play that Jonathan was impelled to indulge in it when married to Lolicia.

He even sired a child by his mistress, Soraya Khashoggi.

The child is called Petrina, keeping another tradition going, this time the one that dictates that all women in Jonathan’s life have appalling names.

Although neither Soraya nor Petrina were at the do, despite both being invited, Lolicia was there.

‘Jonathan was a big part of my life,’ says she. ‘I loved him and I really want him to be happy. Elizabeth is looking after him beautifully – much better than me. I was a wildcat.’

As opposed to Jonathan, who is something of a stray dog.

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Posted: 2nd, July 2003 | In: Reviews Comment | TrackBack | Permalink