Brief Encounter

”I WANT to be with you for ever.’ That’s what the Star hears Big Brother’s Nush say to Big Brother’s Scott last night.

‘Is this your prostate, Scott?’

If this was America, you’d expect the two to plunge naked into the outdoor pool while embracing a plugged-in toaster. They would rather take their love into oblivion – where no public vote could divide them.

But this is Britain, and while the pool dive would be a ratings winner, it would not enable either Scott or Nush to scoop the title of Big Brother champion 2003 and the £70,000 that goes with it.

Instead readers are treated to a kind of 1940s romance in which Scott takes on the role of Trevor Howard to Nush’s Celia Johnson. The Sun has the script.

‘I’m not going to lie,’ says Scott. ‘I don’t want Cameron to go but I would rather he go than you. I’m not going to lie. If it came to the choice with anyone else I would want you to stay.’

Nush says that she thinks the same. There is a pause. ‘Are you OK?’ asks he, manfully. ‘I’m asking honestly because I really…because you know I’m thinking about you more than…’

‘I know,’ says Nush.

The pair then enter a tunnel. When they do emerge Nush is seated as before but Scott is fiddling with his trousers.

‘OK?’ asks Nush, tenderly.

‘Time to service the prostate,’ says Scott…

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Posted: 17th, July 2003 | In: Tabloids Comment | TrackBack | Permalink