Foreplay Of The Day

‘DIDN’T yesterday’s inaugural National Foreplay Day feel like it went on and on and on? There was just none of what the Americans call closure.

Jordan has a feel of Ian Hislop’s private eye

Jordan, the glamour model, whose buoyancy takes her to the front cover of the Star and third page of the Sun, was too busy to think of getting her rocks off.

Instead she lined up a chain of the paste and glass gems and tied them around her neck to spell the word ‘SEX’. It was like a dog collar with real attitude.

What furry dog would be seen dead in such a necklace is a question that should be directed to Otto, the Rottweiler owned by Tony ‘Go On Punk, Make My Hay’ Martin.

News that Martin has a price on his head of £60,000 has failed to get the country up in arms and shooting gypsies.

So the Sun says that nefarious lowlife have also targeted Martin’s blameless dog for the kill.

Knowing how the British love their animals above all else, we can expect dog fanciers to torch every caravan from Prestatyn to Margate.

That’s if they’re not already acting on Jordan’s foreplay thought for the day, as given in the Star.

‘A bit of spit and touch never goes amiss if you are in a hurry,’ says Jordan.

Which will leave plenty of time for killing gypsies…

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Posted: 30th, July 2003 | In: Tabloids Comment | TrackBack | Permalink