It Takes Two To Turkey

‘BEN Affleck knows more about turkeys than Bernard Matthews – he has after all starred in enough of them.

Marriage is just one step closer to divorce

In fact, with the exception of Good Will Hunting and Shakespeare In Love, his films have been so bad that one wonders why he is not back waiting tables by now.

And if he is no better at picking a wife than he is at picking a script, we fear his marriage to Jennifer Lopez will last as long as her first two attempts.

Not that J-Lo’s acting career is any more successful than her marital career – Gigli merely joins a long list of appalling films that includes Maid In Manhattan and The Wedding Planner.

All of which makes America’s obsession with the big-chinned actor and the big-arsed actress all the more bizarre.

They may be a shoo-in for this year’s Razzie as the worst on-screen couple for their performance in Gigli, but that alone cannot explain the fascination.

After all, they are no strangers to the Razzies – Affleck was nominated as worst actor for Pearl Harbor and has twice been nominated as one half of the worst on-screen couple; J-Lo has had two nominations for worst actress in each of the last two years.

But despite their inability to act their way out of a paper bag, they are still, in the words of the National Enquirer, ”Hollywood’s reigning ‘It’ couple”.

And this week for those of us who haven’t been invited to their September nuptials, the Enquirer is happy to give a sneak peek ”at what promises to be the celebrity event of the year”.

Of course, the magazine has got no more idea than the rest of us about what is going to occur – it doesn’t even know when or where the wedding will take place.

But at least it has a few clues to go on, not least the bride’s two dress rehearsals.

The Enquirer looks at the dress J-Lo wore at her 1997 wedding to Ojani Noa and the dress she wore at her 2001 wedding to Cris Judd and decides that this time out she’ll wear a Vera Wang or Valentino.

Why? ”Wang is one of her favourite designers and Jennifer is looking for a traditional, elegant gown,” it opines.

Similarly, we learn that the tables will be bursting with an estimated (by the Enquirer) $200,000 of gorgeous pink and white flowers.

Again, why? ”Those are among J-Lo’s favourite colours.”

But what of the guest list? George Clooney and Richard Gere, it says, make the cut, but P Diddy and Gwyneth Paltrow don’t.

However, watch out for a special appearance from none other than Benny Medina, J-Lo’s manager for the past five years until she sacked him.

He has revealed that he will attend if he is invited. As, we can confirm, will we…

‘

Posted: 1st, August 2003 | In: Reviews Comment | TrackBack | Permalink