Be Our Gest

‘AFTER Dr Atkins and his dieting kin, we bring you the Gest Diet, as induced by David Gest.

David forgets to put his trousers on…again

This one’s an easy enough diet, although you might die from lack of sustenance. But you read the copy and take your choices.

So, for those that do not want to adopt the Gest Diet as their own preferred form of weight loss, look away…now!

The rest of you, we want you to close your eyes and imagine David snuggled up to his once beloved Liza Minnelli. They are now ready to have sex.

No, do not soften the bulbs and dim the lights. Do not put Mantovani Plays Motown on the stereo and scatter a million cushions like rose petals.

This is not love-making. This is raw animal sex. This is David Gest, a man of deep passions, who once vowed that he’d kill the man who harmed his Liza.

But before love comes the important stuff. David has spotted his sock lying on the floor, and he bends over to pick it up and furl it within the other one in the way a real man does.

We now ask you to conjure up the view.

It’s not pretty, but neither is fat. And when your appetite does eventually return and you can hold food down, you need not thank David – your thinness is all the thanks he needs…

‘

Posted: 8th, August 2003 | In: Reviews Comment | TrackBack | Permalink