Signing On

‘WHETHER you praise Patrick Vieira (”He comes from Senegal, he plays for Arsenal) or condemn him (”My old man’s got a second hand Sierra, it’s dirtier than Patrick Vieira), he’s here to stay.

He comes from Senegal, he still plays for Arsenal

The Mail says that after weeks of speculation the languid Frenchman has finally agreed terms to stay at Arsenal. And since he loves the club so much, he’s only getting around £100,000 a week.

Even the Sun’s appalling oik Steve Howard concedes that this is the best signing of the season so far.

But Howard’s paper cannot tear itself away from its investment, and watches as Alex Ferguson shakes hands with Manchester United’s signing, 18-year-old Cristiano Ronaldo.

Fergie wears a smug grin and Ronaldo wears a jumper that appears to have been designed by the same people that brought you the Arsenal ”Chevron” kit of the 1980s.

But more important than Ronaldo’s front is his back, on which will appear the number 7. ”Here is my new Beckham,” says the headline in the Express.

But the manager under real pressure is not Arsene Wenger or Ferguson but Chelsea boss Claudio Ranieri.

Talking to the Mirror, the Italian, who speaks English like a British package tourist speaks Spanish, is excited and nervous.

”I believe the players are champions,” says Ranieri of the many men his owner has bought. ”If they are nervous, then I will shoot myself.”

Chelsea are set to play a Champions’ League qualifier against the less-than-mighty Zilinia of Slovakia tonight.

You just imagine that if Chelsea are defeated, heads will roll in an instant. But you can equally imagine that if the gig is up at half-time, Roman Abramovich will simply reach into his pocket and buy the Slovakian outfit. It’s a ‘no lose’ situation.

Much like the England cricket team, of whom so little is expected that anything other than outright defeat in the next Test against South Africa would smell of a quiet victory.

But the good news in cricket is that Nasser Hussain has committed himself to England and wants to tour with them this winter.

This prompts the Mirror to announce: ”I’d go to Mongolia to bat for England, says Nasser Hussain.”

And that’s encouraging, sine Mongolia are ripe for the taking. Go on Nasser – the hopes of a nation go with you…

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Posted: 13th, August 2003 | In: Back pages Comment | TrackBack | Permalink