People In Glass Houses

‘PEOPLE looking for what happened to the great Crystal Palace have long held the suspicion that the structure’s glass was tinted green, turned into a gigantic gin bottle and given full to the Queen Mother.

The Gordon’s Suite

To keep prying eyes from discovering the truth, we are not shown all the rooms at Clarence House, the home where the Queen Mum once lived and where Prince Charles has now taken up residence.

Instead, we get to see the bits we are supposed to. For instance, rather than The Tack & Bridle Bondage Room, we are shown The Morning Room, with its soft green hues and gold brocaded chairs.

We are not invited to gaze upon the house’s private cinema and the extensive collection of adult DVDs, but to look at The Lancaster Room with its cases of books.

We do get to see The Horse Corridor, with its pictures of horses, but, oddly, no actual equine beast being washed by seven naked jockeys.

And The Garden Room we get to see is very charming, but would it not have been fairer on us who have partly funded its restoration to see the organic privet hedge that Charles has successfully mated with an endangered baboon?

We may never get to see the real Clarence House, the one paid for from the proceeds of the giant bottle, which was drained empty at the very moment of the Queen Mother’s passing.

For that you need a special invitation. Or a backdoor key…

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Posted: 14th, August 2003 | In: Reviews Comment | TrackBack | Permalink