Disaster Strikes Millennial Hardliners

‘Tragedy has struck an organisation dedicated to marking the millennium a year after the official date.

And in trice, Clive, Jill and Bev were consumed by fire

The True Millennialists argued that the second millennium would begin on 1st January 2001, and boycotted the official celebrations 12 months earlier. This year, however, they marked the true millennium in style, with a flotilla of party boats on the Thames, and it was there that they suffered a cruel – and deeply ironic – twist of fate.

At midnight, December 31st 1999, a massive series of pyrotechnics had been planned as part of the public celebrations, climaxing in a waterborne display intended to turn the Thames into a ‘River of Fire’. On the night, the mechanism failed, and the event was a damp squib.

It now transpires that, while the so-called ‘millennium bug’ did not cause the apocalyptic chaos that had been widely predicted, one particular computer had a nasty surprise in store. The River of Fire control system triggered the display exactly 12 months late, igniting huge hidden tanks of petrol that had been forgotten in the hangover of the previous celebrations.

The resulting fireball occurred just as the True Millennialists approached, but instead of turning back, they pressed on into the flames, singing loudly and raising their arms to the sky. Witnesses from nearby boats said that the millennialists appeared to take the fire as a sign of imminent Armageddon, and willingly went to meet their maker. No spokesman for the organisation was available today, and its headquarters was deserted.

Compiled by Ed Barrett

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Posted: 18th, August 2003 | In: Reviews Comment | TrackBack | Permalink