Facing Cliff

‘LOOK out, Cliff!!!!

Tony Blair

Oops! Too late. Before we know it Cliff Richard is upon us and he’s invited us in to his villa in Barbados – you know, the one where Tony and Cherie jammed away the summer.

For the occasion, Cliff – Sir Cliff – has popped his petite boyish frame into a pair of pink and lavender shorts.

Already sold on the wonderful views and Cliff’s rock ‘n’ roll lifestyle, we nonetheless receive the estate agent’s blurb.

“Bob Monkhouse lives two roads away and Cilla’s down the hill,” Cliff tells Hello! And Gloria Hunniford is suddenly even closer, snuggling into Cliff’s armpit as they walk by the upper of his two pools.

“I used to stay near the beach but I’d get recognised” – mainly by Cilla, Gloria and Bob. “Nice though that many be, on Sugar Hill I can have my privacy.”

Which beggars the question: what does Cliff want to keep private?

Having already shown us his body, what’s left? There are the statuettes of Nubians clad in gold holding aloft urns. And there is that golden Buddha. What else is there?

Well, it’s the country that really excites Cliff. “The ratio of growth on Barbados compared with Britain is 7:1,” says Cliff. Time spent with Tony and the Blairios was time well spent. Cliff is now a regular Gordon Brown.

But, our mistake, Cliff’s talking about vegetables and not Tony and his cabinet. It’s an easy error to make.

“In other words,” he continues, ‘what takes a year to grow one foot in England will have grown seven feet on the island in the same time.”

It truly sounds like a geneticist’s dream. Lord Sainsbury will be pleased.’

Posted: 28th, August 2003 | In: Reviews Comment | TrackBack | Permalink