Great Days

‘ASYLUM is never far from the top of the news agenda.

‘Nick nick the lot of ’em’

And today the Sun hears Tory leader Iain Duncan Smith vow that he will turn the tide of immigration.

Pointing to a map of the world, IDS says: “These plans are bold and ambitious and they have already been tried in Australia and they work.”

Surely he means “on” and not “in” Australia, but we’ll forgive him. What’s one vowel when a nation is in peril?

What the Tories need, and thus Britain needs, is a champion. And that triggers a call to the man who will never surrender, Jim Davidson.

As part of keen Tory supporter Davidson’s drive to turn foreigners away from Britain, he’s beginning to talk down its appeal.

And the first beach where he’ll fight them is at Great Yarmouth.

The Mirror hears Jim’s views on the Norfolk resort, and relays them to its readers. In the comic’s opinion Great Yarmouth is full of “overweight people in flip-flops and fat children of all colours and no class”.

And if Ali and Osman are considering a stay at the three-star Dolphin Hotel, they should think again – according to Jim it’s only “adequately shit”.

And Jim knows the place since he’s now appearing at the end of the town’s Britannia pier. And he has more to say: “English seaside resorts are finished.”

Local hoteliers and even the local MP keep the ploy going by saying how upset that are by Jim’s antics and how although it is shit, it is at least their shit.

And Jim too sticks to the script. “You do see fat people. Tell me you don’t and I will say you’re a liar.”

But if Jim’s plan works what you won’t see are asylum seekers or Australians…’

Posted: 29th, August 2003 | In: Tabloids Comment | TrackBack | Permalink