Wood You Believe It?

‘KNOWING as we do that wood floats, we are less surprised than we might be to read the caption in today’s Sun.

The couple were getting bored waiting for the Elvis impersonator

The picture of a sun-dappled swimming pool is underscored by the words, ‘Making a splash…the pool that J-Lo and Ben were planning to dance on’.

Not walk on. But dance on. Perhaps they then plan to turn water into Cristal champagne and feed their 50,000 showbiz pals with a single crabstick?

Whatever else they planned to do on their wedding day is sadly immaterial this morning, as it has transubstantiated into so much dust.

News in the Sun is that this Sunday’s wedding of Jenny and Benny is off. Best listen to the official word from Ben, as delivered by a spokesman dressed as a tree.

‘Due to excessive media attention surrounding our wedding, we have decided to postpone the date,’ says the letter.

It ends: ‘We felt that what should have been a joyful and sacred day could be spoiled for us, our families and our friends.’

At least Jenny can tell her man what it’s like to be married, what happens on so sacred an occasion. She can even tell him what happens in the end.

No, not the buffet of chipolatas and ice cream, or the dancing on water, but the most important thing that will guarantee them many more column inches – divorce.’

Posted: 11th, September 2003 | In: Tabloids Comment | TrackBack | Permalink