Cat Flap

‘IT’S no wonder EastEnders is trailing Coronation Street in the ratings when the best storyline they can come up with is the mystery of Shirley’s missing cat.

‘What do you mean you haven’t got any spud guns’

As anyone who’s picked up a tabloid in the past month knows, Dennis Watts is returning to Walford next week. And until that time, producers seem to have put a veto on decent plots.

Gangster Andy is still relentlessly perusing Kat, promising her a trip to New York if she’ll go on another date with him. He’d be better off wooing her with pies, given the size of her ever-increasing girth.

Lisa has bought a gun from a friendly hit man John, who’s even offered to give her shooting lessons. Well, after the pig’s ear she made of it last time, she definitely needs them.

Lisa is working on Kate, pretending that she simply wants access to her daughter. And Kate, being Britain’s worst cop (she started dating her murder suspect), believes her.

Phil has gone an even darker shade of red since Lisa’s return and is raging round The Square, beating anyone up who gets in his way: a sort of cross between Mr Potato-head and The Incredible Hulk.

Sharon was the latest target of his anger. She’s gone to confront him after Dennis had confessed to her that it was Phil who’d arranged for him to get beaten up.

“You’re no man, not like your brother Grant,” Sharon spat at him in The Vic. “Well you should know,” retorted Phil, “you’ve had us both.”

Phil won’t be so confident soon though when Dirty Den returns to his old manor. Dennis revealed to Sharon that their father was still alive but she refused to believe him.

“He’d have given us some sign by now,” said Sharon. She, along with the rest of the nation clearly hasn’t been watching Channel Five’s Fort Boyard.’

Posted: 24th, September 2003 | In: Tabloids Comment | TrackBack | Permalink