Pitta And Twisted

‘BEING born into a family of non-celebrity people is cruel luck. Parents who are below a C-list standing should be banned from having kids by law and possibly sterilised.

‘Don’t worry, love. There’s a KFC somewhere near here’

Deprived of famous parents and thus a decent start in life, the lowly have to seek out rich and notables to date…and get punched in the face by.

Which brings us to Ulrika Jonsson, a girl from humble stock who has made it her life’s work to pull herself up by the bra straps – albeit with a helping tug from former Blue Peter presenters, depressed footballers and all manner of Rhinos and Hawks.

But the one who elevated Ulrika on a pair of Cuban heels was Sven Goran Eriksson. And it’s that relationship that’s caught the eye of Sven’s current flame, the strident Nancy Dell’Olio.

Like Nancy, the Sun read Ulrika’s dire column in some Sunday rag and noted how the blonde strumpet suggested that the Italian one would be ‘nothing and no-one’ without her fiancée Sven.

Ulrika’s right, of course, because anyone who doesn’t have a famous date actually ceases to exist. They become nothing. But Nancy does have a famous lover on her arm, and so is something.

Angered by Ulrika’s comments, Nancy has sought to rid the Earth of the former weather girl. And what better way to begin than by having her blacklisted from San Lorenzo’s restaurant.

A friend is on hand to tell the Sun all. ‘Sven and Nancy are regulars at San Lorenzo. They go there much more often than Ulrika. Nancy assures me Ulrika is now banned.’

Oooer! Without a celebrity eaterie to hang out in, Ulrika will surely shrivel up like her famous pitta breads. She must act now to restore her rightful place at table.

As the Sun says, ‘Ulrika isn’t the sort of woman who takes something like this lying down.’ Or up against the wall in the gents, for that matter…’

Posted: 30th, September 2003 | In: Tabloids Comment | TrackBack | Permalink