The BDS Diet

‘IF you really want to lose weight, stop cheating! No, not on your partner (which is, as we have seen, a good way to fight the flab), but on yourself.

‘Still think I’ll be Prime Minister one day?’

The Star this morning has the distinctly underwhelming news that the real reason why so many diets don’t work is that people don’t follow them properly.

Well, we never! You could knock us down with a feather. The next thing we’ll hear is that the best way to gain pounds is to sit on your bum and do nothing.

We call it the BDS diet, named after Betsy Duncan Smith, wife of the Tory leader, who is alleged to have gained 15,000 pounds for doing precisely that.

But don’t say so in the presence of her husband, who yesterday blew his top at suggestions of malpractice in his private office and promised to ‘fix’ his accusers.

‘Have the guts to stand right in front of me,’ he challenges those who are plotting against him.

‘Come and face me down. Don’t you dare try and take my wife on. You come to me and I’m going to fix you.’

Only a couple of weeks ago, IDS was known (or rather not known) as the Quiet Man of British politics, but these days he seems to have lost his marbles.

He has already spoken of his desire to shoot the Prime Minister and now he wants to go mano-a-mano with members of his own party.

Little wonder that the Sun’s Trevor Kavanagh is alarmed by the former guards officer’s performance.

‘If IDS explodes so easily over such a minor issue, how would he handle the ordeals that are part of the daily life of a Prime Minister?’ he asks.

It is a rhetorical question – thankfully, IDS has got more chance of growing a mullet than he has of taking up residence in 10 Downing Street.’

Posted: 15th, October 2003 | In: Tabloids Comment | TrackBack | Permalink