Family (Mis)fortunes
‘IF theres a soap award going for Most Dysfunctional Family, then close all bets now for youre going to be hard pressed to beat the Barlows.
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| ‘Mind who you call boring!’ |
Theres dad Ken (affairs too many to mention; fathered a love-child with a deranged hairdresser), mum Deride (went to prison after falling for a manager of Tie Rack and then married a Moroccan waiter), son Peter (bigamy) and daughter Tracy (where to start?).
Peter has returned to the bosom of his (Addams) family to discover if hes going to be charged with having two wives or not, although quite frankly that punishment alone is suffering enough.
Peter was startled to discover that his sister was pregnant. Crikey Tracy luv, I thought I had troubles but you! Youre havin a baby with an anorak-wearing freak whos married to a bloke called Harold.
Tracy calmly pointed out that she wasnt about to take relationship advice from a bloke looking at six months in prison for bigamy.
Roy and Hayley are understandably concerned that, given Tracys rather special mental state, she may back out of the deal to sell them her baby.
On the advice of their solicitor (who clearly went to the same law school as Judge Judy), Roy has proposed marriage to Tracy. You have GOT to be joking, she screeched. Im enough of a laughing stock as it is.
Roy, not being as simple as his special needs tartan shopping bag may suggest, thought Tracy may be trying it on and pretending that hes the father.
Roy went to confront Wally Bannister (the gardener who pretended to be a millionaire), to ask him if he could be the father. Wally was able to put Roys mind at rest by telling him that, as hed had mumps as a teenager, he couldnt possibly be the father.
Unfortunately for Roy, he doesnt know that Tracy also had a dalliance with Steve McDonald. And according to the papers, Steve is the babys father.
Lets hope for all concerned that the news doesnt get out the body count in Kill Bill will be nothing compared to the blood bath in Weatherfield if Karen ever finds out.
Elsewhere on The Street, Nick has started dating Candice – although their dates seem to start and end in her bedroom. Im only having a bit of fun, Nick told Martin, but shes getting so serious.
Nick probably decided to confide in his step-father on the grounds that if anyone knows teenaged girls, its him.
Most incredible storyline of the year, however – even over the Tracy-Roy-Steve love triangle – is that Les Battersby managed to charm a woman into bed. Les had told her that he was a record producer called Clint (as in Eastwood) and told her hed like to audition her back at her flat.
Amazingly she fell for it. It will come as no surprise then when its revealed soon that Les new girlfriend is actually Fizzs mother.’
Posted: 23rd, October 2003 | In: Strange But True Comment | TrackBack | Permalink
