Let Sleeping Dogs Lie

‘POOR Sonia. Not only does she have to contend with the fact that she looks like sofa with a fringe, she’s had to give up her daughter for adoption and then lost her fiancée in a car crash (and to Kym Marsh).

‘Oh my God! I’m in bed with a hippo’

Now she’s been forced to do yet another bedroom scene and, believe me, we’re suffering right up alongside with her.

Sonia finally snapped after listening to Martin’s incessant whinging about how awful his life was. “You make me sick!” she spat. “You’ve taken everything from me – Chloe and then Jamie. I’ve got nothing.”

Which isn’t strictly true, as she’s clearly got access to considerable pie supply.

Martin decided to cheer her up the only way he knew how, unfortunately not by taking an overdose – which would have also cheered up about 16 million other people – but by taking her to bed.

The next morning Sonia realised what a terrible mistake she’d made and kicked Martin out. Let’s hope that history (and scriptwriters) don’t repeat themselves and give Sonia another permanent reminder of her mistakes. One Martin-Sonia offspring is surely all the world can support.

Another hideous coupling took place this week when Janine agreed to become Mrs Barry Evans. “I had to do it,” she told boyfriend Paul. “I’d ‘ave lost everyfink – home, job, car…”

Janine’s marriage is set to be short-lived though, as rumour has it she’s set to become a merry widow very soon. “You’ve made me the ‘appiest man alive,” Barry told a packed Queen Vic, which as any avid soap-watcher knows, is a sure fire sign that he’s doomed.

Elsewhere in The Square, Alfie was forced to tell Kat about Nana’s illness. Alfie had stood Kat up to take Nana to hospital after promising to look at wedding dresses with her.

“You don’t fink of anyone but yerself!” howled Kat in the middle of the Square. “You know ‘ow important finding the right dress is for me.”

Indeed, there aren’t many places that can provide that amount of silk at such short notice. Kat was forced to eat humble pie (and probably asked for seconds), when she realised that Alfie had stood her up to take his grandmother to hospital for a brain scan.

“You should a’told me the truth,” Kat told him. “Yer me best mate.” Andy is less than happy with Kat having stayed the night at Alfie’s to ‘comfort’ him. And quite rightly so – we all know how much Kat likes her comforts.’

Posted: 10th, November 2003 | In: Tabloids Comment | TrackBack | Permalink