In The Zone

‘WE cannot be sure, but we very much fear that President George Bush is the recipient of some preferential treatment.

‘We will have zero tolerance for charge dodgers’

Until the accounts from Transport for London are made public, it’s unclear whether Dubya and his enormous entourage paid the required £5 to drive into the centre of London.

It’s no surprise Ken Livingstone, the London mayor whose congestion charge scheme has put him on the map, is upset.

The Sun hears him call Bush ‘the greatest threat to life on planet earth’. He continues: ‘The policies he is initiating will doom us to extinction.’

While Ken and thousands of likeminded protestors campaign for Dubya’s fiver, more bus lanes in Baghdad and the renationalisation of the Iraqi Underground movement, the Sun takes a look at the Bush motorcade.

In the spirit of fairness, it must be said that Bush’s men seem to be going out of their way to keep the loss of life to a minimum as they walk alongside the vehicles carrying red, white and blue flags.

But any protestors wishing to jump in the path will be squashed like so many pretzels, as the Mail takes a look inside the President’s limo, the four-ton glorified tank known as the Stagecoach.

The bodywork is made of five-inch thick military grade armour, strong enough to resist the approach of any student and his cardboard placard.

The windows are tough enough to withstand armour-piercing bullets and cannot be opened.

On board are night vision cameras, pump-action shotguns, tear gas canons and bottles of the President’s blood, in case an emergency transfusion is needed or Bush needs a drink.

All of which means that if Bush does trigger Armageddon in the next few days, he will, most likely, be the only man to survive the attack.

The future of mankind does indeed look very bleak.’

Posted: 18th, November 2003 | In: Tabloids Comment | TrackBack | Permalink