The Worm That Turned

‘AT first glance, the headline makes our blood run cold – ‘Jacko Child Sex Quiz,’ screams the front page of the Sun.

‘Is that a tiny piece of string in your pocket or are you pleased to see me?’

Those who have accused Michael Jackson of being on more than nodding terms with minors would, most likely, expect him to get all the questions in this quiz right.

Indeed, the Sun’s editor, the jingoistic Rebekah Wade, might hope to do pretty well herself, given her pursuit of paedophilia during her stint at the News of the World.

But before the Sun’s outraged readers can go hunting for paediatricians and beat paedestrians to a pulp, Jacko’s lawyer calls the allegation that his client molested a 12-year-old boy ‘insane’.

That’s an unfortunate choice of word in matters Jackson. But the same word just might explain what’s happening to Britney Spears.

Spears, poster girl for plain Janes everywhere, has been on television in the States talking about her own sex life.

We all know that Britney lost her virginity to Justin Timberlake. But it nearly never happened because Britney says that Justin is hung like one of Ron Davies’ badger pals.

He was, as his name suggests, just in.

To emphasise how small said appendage is, the Star sees Britney using her thumb and index finger to makes a gesture that suggests Justin is less ‘trousersnake’ and more ‘trouserworm’.

And while her fingers spell our ‘miniscule’, a tattoo on her right foot, sported in the Mirror, spells out the word ‘freedom’.

‘I have a new tattoo on my foot,’ said Britney to American TV host Jay Leno last night. ‘The butterfly script means freedom and that’s my freedom toe.’

The little piggy one is, we suppose, called Justin.’

Posted: 19th, November 2003 | In: Tabloids Comment | TrackBack | Permalink