Another Country

‘YOU’LL have to forgive the people of Maresfield if they don’t come out in force to march against President Bush’s stay at Buckingham Palace.

Jordan tried to fit in with rural life

The locals of the East Sussex village are currently waging a battle of their own against the arrival of an undesirable.

The Mail reports that the ton of silicon, hair extensions, implants and assorted add-ons that make up Jordan have purchased a £750,000 pile in the village and are planning to move in.

The locals are deeply upset. ‘I think it is dreadful she is coming here,’ says one parish councillor. ‘This is a quiet village where people respect each other. I think it’s highly unlikely she will fit in.’

Anyone who has seen Jordan will suppose that it’s highly unlikely she’d fit in anywhere other than, perhaps, the Millennium Dome. But point made.

One other parish councillor is less put out. ‘We will give her a polite, friendly reception and see how she takes to life here,’ says John Gutteridge. ‘Personally, I like real women and she is mostly enhanced, I hear.’

But enough of the affected coyness of Mr Gutteridge and a few words from the new resident, who explains her reasons for making the move.

‘I am fed up with people driving past and yelling at me,’ says Jordan. ‘I don’t feel safe.’

And that from a woman who takes her twin air bags with her wherever she goes.’

Posted: 19th, November 2003 | In: Tabloids Comment | TrackBack | Permalink