Changing The Guard

‘WHEN Christopher Robin went down with Alice, all he saw were the guards. Yesterday, readers of the Mirror got to see the inside of Buckingham Palace.

‘Queen’s beroom? Up the stairs and second on the left’

The Mail affords its audience the same privilege today, showing shots of the Royal breakfast table, with its choice of cereals served from Tupperware containers with silver spoons.

We once more see Prince Andrew’s cushions embroidered with the words ‘EAT, DRINK AND REMARRY’ and ‘BEFORE YOU MEET A REAL PRINCE YOU HAVE TO KISS A LOT OF FROGS’.

And we glimpse the inside of the Wessexes’ bedroom, the décor of which finally puts to rest claims that Eddie is less than heterosexual. It is that horrible.

But the Mirror’s Ryan Parry, the reporter who went undercover as a Royal butler, has also taken a trip up the M4 to tell us about the lack of security at Windsor Castle.

This is less than sensational news. It’s not too long since a bearded woman called Aaron Barschak vaulted the wall, swam the moat and gatecrashed Prince William’s 21st birthday.

But once more it is the little things that capture the imagination. For instance, the Queen’s breakfast table comes with a newspaper stand on which sits a copy of the Racing Post.

For dinner, the Queen likes to sit in front of a big TV, on which she watches her favourite shows: EastEnders, The Bill and Kirsty’s Home Videos.

And at tea, the Queen routinely forgoes her scones, feeding them to her corgis, which gather expectantly round her table like vultures.

‘Sometimes they get better food than us,’ says her footman, according to Parry.

It’s all very Through The Keyhole meets Location, Location, Location. And while Parry prepares to take a snoop round another Royal home, we can’t help fearing for his safety.

As the Sun reports, George Smith, the former butler whose claims about Prince Charles created a scandal, has had a fit and collapsed.

He has since recovered. But let’s hope Parry’s next tour doesn’t take him to the royal sanatorium or for a swim with the fishes in the Queen Mum’s memorial gin lake.’

Posted: 20th, November 2003 | In: Tabloids Comment | TrackBack | Permalink