Saving Face

‘WITH George Smith, Paul Burrell and now Ryan Parry at large, the butler might not have done it, but for a few quid he’ll tell you who did.

‘They’ll never recognise me now!’

Knowing that, it would be wiser if the Californian police seeking the indictment of Michael Jackson, in light of what the Sun calls ‘multiple child sex abuse claims’ made against the star, ignored him and went for his butler instead.

But the police want their man, and, the paper says, have ordered Jackson to surrender himself to their tender care.

But bad news can get better. And while the Sun says that, if found guilty, Jackson could spend ten years in jail, the Express says that he would only get eight.

But things could get even better if Jackson can get hold of American surgeon Dr John Barker, who tells the Sun that he’s ready to do a face transplant ‘TODAY’.

If Jackson can’t reach Dr Barker in time, he could always follow the Sun’s graphic three-step guide on ‘How It Works’.

Step One: The donor face is removed. Step Two: The new face is placed on the muscles of the recipient and blood vessels fastened with microsurgery. Step Three: The new face is stitched on.

All very straightforward, and nothing that you couldn’t do yourself with a decent penknife.

Of course, the donor face is an issue, and Jackson would be advised to ignore offers from Gary Glitter and just pull one of his old ones out from his sock drawer.

The police would never think of looking for a black man…’

Posted: 20th, November 2003 | In: Tabloids Comment | TrackBack | Permalink