Gwyn And Bear It

‘OUR patented device for calculating the height and weight of celebrities according to their photographs, suggests that Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin can go ahead and have their baby.

Chris and Gwyn examine the giant Anorak set-square

The Mail reports that ”ecstatic” Gwyneth is three months pregnant by her musician boyfriend.

And he might yet be her husband by the time the organic fruit of their loins arrives, since, as a source predicts, the pair will probably get married before the birth.

This is great news – it’s another notch in the bedpost of the special relationship we Brits enjoy with our US cousins.

And the better news is that, according to our graphs and those of the Express, the little love will have a high chance to growing up into a healthy adult.

We know this because a study published in the Journal Of Epidemiology And Community Health shows that children born to short mums and fat dads are unlikely to grow up healthy.

And since Gwynnie is, by our reckoning, 6ft 10in tall and Chris weighs no more than seven stone, any child born to them will enjoy a life of rude health and be refreshingly normal.’

Posted: 4th, December 2003 | In: Tabloids Comment | TrackBack | Permalink