Breast Wishes

‘PSYCHOLOGISTS would doubtless have lots to say about why it is that on a news day where Ian Huntley and his perversions hold sway, Page 3’s stunnas disappear.

”Are these ones waterproof, Kevin?”

Both the Star and the Sun choose to forgo the delights of Nikkala and Janine in favour of more news about the heinous killer and his conniving girlfriend.

If removing the topless ones is in some way meant to honour Huntley’s victims, to show them respect, it’s a pretty poor tribute.

But if it is, then what’s the period of topless grieving – a day? A week? An entire month?

The papers should perhaps consult Danniella Westbrook who is no less an expert on breasts than the mo-dels and the many who usually study their forms each morning.

Wisely, the Star has caught up with Danniella, and her news is a warning to all – the former EastEnders actress has injured her ”brand new boobs” while erecting the family Christmas tree.

Had she taken the gold Rolex husband Kevin Jenkins offered and not insisted on having her already pneumatic chest inflated with bigger airbags, she’d be injury free.

But no, she wore him down.

She also went against the advice of a doctor who told her that he didn’t think a basketball-sized chest would suit someone of her small stature. She might topple over – or look like Jordan.

But, undeterred, she had surgery to replace her old soya breasts implants with ones made of silicone.

Says Danniella: ”Now they’ll last a lifetime – these boobs are not just for Christmas.”

Indeed they are at home on many public holidays – whether they be painted like huge Easter eggs or serve as pumpkin gourds come Hallowe’en.’

Posted: 18th, December 2003 | In: Tabloids Comment (1) | TrackBack | Permalink