Honour Them Now!

‘ANORAK prides itself on offering a conflict-free environment for all staff.

”I know I should have done my Christmas shopping earlier”

By and large, it is an agreeable world in which to while away the 70 or 80 years that most employees spend here.

The chairs are made of comfortable leather, the desks are fashioned from top-quality mahogany, the tea is served in the finest china cups, and the company uniform (shirt, cravat, cardigan, brogues and elasticated ComfiSlax) is easy on the both the eye and the post-prandial waistline.

Occasionally, however, this industrious idyll is threatened by internal strife.

Usually this can be dealt with by the company’s team of expert counsellors and workplace facilitators. Sometimes, however, things go too deep for that.

The recent Rugby World Cup was a case in point. In some offices, the floorboards shook under the strain of stamping feet, and eardrums popped at the deafening strains of ”If I Were the Marrying Kind (Which Thank the Lord I’m Not, Sir!)”

In other parts of the building the only sign of life was the occasional groan of anticipation as yet another England fixture loomed.

Still, it only lasted eight weeks, and now that the parade has come and gone, we can put it behind us and resume normal service. Or can we?

The announcement of a series of commemorative stamps brought the matter to a head.

Those with no desire to lick the backside of Jonny Wilkinson were understandably distraught at the thought of having to do so every time they sent a letter.

The rest couldn’t wait for the chance. But now the Royal Mail has said that the original designs have been changed, and will not depict the players and fans.

Anything that prevents children being needlessly frightened is welcome of course, but that isn’t the reason for the change of plan, according to the Independent.

The real reason, as every keen philatelist knows, is that apart from the reigning monarch, only dead people are allowed on UK stamps.

This leaves two options for those who wish to see King Jonny on their envelopes.

1: An insurrection, with Wilkinson installed on the throne. This would divide the country on both constitutional and rugby grounds.

2: Anorak’s humble suggestion. The victorious team is honoured posthumously at the earliest possible opportunity, to the delight of everybody.

Once again, our unique brand of common sense prevails where others have stumbled and fallen.’

Posted: 19th, December 2003 | In: Broadsheets Comment | TrackBack | Permalink