Have A Flab Christmas
”’GET stuffing, girls, if you fancy being the sexiest thing in Santa’s stocking this Christmas. Curves are back – so don’t even think about scrimping when it comes to enjoying your slap-up turkey dinner.”
| Fat Kat |
Not our advice but that of a far better judge of the female form, the Star.
It sees the victory of 15-stone Michelle in the Pop Idol final at the weekend as a win for the larger lady or, as the paper prefers, ”kick-starting a craze for wicked women with a bit of wobble”.
And who exactly are these ”babes with super-curvy shapes”, these ”chubby sisters” for whom Michelle has emerged as a champion?
Well, delighted we’re sure to be mentioned in the same breath as the she-mountain from Glasgow are Jennifer Lopez, Beyonce Knowles, Liv Tyler, Angelina Jolie, Geri Halliwell and EastEnders Charlie Brooks and Jessie Wallace.
”They look better in undies and have bags more confidence,” explains the Star – thankfully not backed up with picture of Michelle in her distinctly unsmall smalls.
”And blokes know they are not stuck with a catwalk-style stick-insect who stresses about the calorie count of a dust particle.”
No, but they could of course find themselves stuck with – or more specifically under – a different problem.
As if to prove the point about the curves, the papers show pictures of a bikini-clad Jessie Wallace on holiday with fiancé, ex-copper Dave Morgan, on a romantic Indian Ocean island.
And an onlooker tells the Sun: ”She must have been exhausted because she and Dave didn’t leave their room for three days.”
Didn’t or couldn’t?
Another girl who won’t be scrimping on the turkey this Christmas is singer Charlotte Church, who is in hot water of a different kind this morning as she is accused of stealing someone else’s boyfriend.
Blonde hairdresser Emma Verey had been dating Kyle Johnson for a year and, says the Sun, hoped to marry him.
”But her dreams were wrecked when Voice Of An Angel star Charlotte, 17, snatched him.”
Of course, if we hadn’t read this morning’s Star, we might have thought it was the millions of pounds Charlotte has in the bank that attracted Kyle.
But now we know that fat is the new thin, we realise that it was Charlotte’s curves that turned Kyle’s head.
”I don’t think she’s anything special in looks,” Emma moans to the Sun, ”so I can only think he’s gone with her for her money and her fame.”
Oh, Emma. Don’t you know that these days if a woman wants to get ahead, she’s got to get a belly…’
Posted: 23rd, December 2003 | In: Tabloids Comment | TrackBack | Permalink
