Quad Erratic Demonstrandum

‘IS it the light or just the way they’re sitting? Looking at Hello!’s cover shot of Ozzy and Sharon Osbourne rekindles painful memories of photographs of Liza Minelli and David Gest.

Ozzy was relieved to see the suregons has sewn his fingers back on in the right order

Sharon (she’s on the left) has the same thick, wiry black hair as worn by Minelli. And Ozzy, if it is him and not some waxwork double, looks as blank and unreal as Gest.

For Sharon’s look we must talk to her stylist; but Ozzy’s otherworldliness could be rooted in his recent game of dice with death.

Of the famous quad bike accident that left the singer in a coma for eight days, there is much to say – and when Hello! tells us that this is first time the pair have talked about his prang, you known it will not be the last.

In fact, we get more than just Ozzy and Sharon’s take on things, because for good measure, Hello! invites others to tell the world about that dreadful day.

First up is ”the bodyguard who saved his life”, otherwise known as Sam Ruston.

”He is one of the warmest and funniest people I’ve ever met,” says the hero (a fact that sounds all the more credible when we learn that Sam was once a policeman). ”I’d never have been able to live with myself if he’d died that day.”

And we must be thankful that Ozzy did not die, because his demise would have trigged something of a bloodbath.

Not only would Sam not have been able to carry on but neither would Sharon, who the magazine tells us would have killed herself had Ozzy shuffled off his mortal coil.

It’s pretty clear that the Osbourne kids were a fraction away from being orphaned, something that young Kelly doesn’t dare touch upon, preferring to think only positive thoughts and remind us of the moment she told dad that their duet had reached No.1 in the pop charts.

It was the kind of thing Ozzy wanted to hear, and he responded by giving Kelly the thumbs up. No, make that two thumbs up – this was Ozzy’s first ever No.1 hit in the UK.

In any case, like Kelly, we all knew he’d be all right. It’s not only Keith Richards who cannot be killed by conventional weapons – although running yourself over with a quad bike is a good effort at escaping the norm…’

Posted: 8th, January 2004 | In: Reviews Comment | TrackBack | Permalink