Going Down Together

‘THREESOMES are so 2003. What we want in 2004 are foursomes. And that means more news of those pioneers of the sex square, John Leslie and Abi Titmuss.

Abi (Fake)Titmuss

But what’s this? The Mirror says that Abi, the demure, wholesome former nurse who stood by her man in his hours of need, has been ‘axed’ from her job as a TV reporter.

The Express has the same story, saying how ‘sad Abi’ has been shown the door and will not be presenting stories on TV’s Richard & Judy show.

Of course, to be sacked she would have to have had a job in the first place, and, as the Express tells us, she only did three ad hoc stints on the show and no more.

She had no contract, so no contract to terminate. She has been axed from a job that never was.

This is entirely different to her boyfriend, John, who was well and truly sacked from his job in light of the Ulrika Jonsson case.

He did have a TV contract and a TV career, and now he does not.

But he does prove inspirational to the Sun, which asks the esteemed agony aunt Deirdre to run her eye over the photo casebook in which John and Abi look-alikes are in bed with Jayson Blayde and an unnamed girl.

‘We’ve worked so hard to get over your sordid little scandal,’ says Abi, thrusting the News of the World’s story about their four-in-a-bed romp in his face, ‘and now look at this.’

One still on and Abi is thinking in bubbles. ‘I knew I was letting things go too far with John. Why did I give in to him? And what on earth do I do now?’

Since the casebook ends there, we might never get to find out what happens next. Especially, since Abi and John are old news and on the TV scrap heap.

Perhaps there they will meet Kilroy and form a threesome? Well, it worked for Andy Pandy and his mates…’

Posted: 20th, January 2004 | In: Tabloids Comment | TrackBack | Permalink