Moaner, Moaner

‘KERRY McFadden was worried that she would become the most hated woman in the country after her appearance on I’m A Celebrity… as a result of her famous outspokenness.

Wetter than a wet weekend in Liverpool

And she is well on her way to achieving her goal, although not for the reason she expected.

It turns out that our Kelly is actually wetter than a fish’s bathing costume and even the Star cannot help but brand her a ‘jungle wimp’.

The Star, you will recall, is owned by the same Richard Desmond who publishes the Express and OK! – and Kerry, as regular Anorak readers will know, is star columnist for OK!’s Hot Stars pull-out.

But that didn’t stop the paper putting the boot into the ’emotional’ 23-year-old as she fought back tears when she was nominated for the third Bushtucker Trial.

Her task is to be lowered in a cage into a lake and try to collect as many meal tokens as possible before the water gets too high.

‘Viewers voted for her to carry out the task,’ the paper explains, ‘after watching her constantly moaning.’

Sent off to find a celebrity chest (not Jordan) with DJ Mike Read, she tried to turn back after only a few minutes and refused to walk up a muddy slope.

Later on, the former Atomic Kitten whined, when told to hold onto a rope as Read abseiled down a cliff-face: ‘I don’t know how I’m going to. I’ve got no energy.’

Later, she complained: ‘I went all dizzy and my chest closed. I thought I’d been bitten by a spider, but it was just me having a panic.’

However, the star of the show is obviously not Kelly, whose constant whining should guarantee an early reunion with husband Bryan McPadding, nor even her gargantuan breasts.

It is, of course, Jordan and her gargantuan breasts. But mystery surrounds these mountains of silicone after hints that TV bosses may have banned the glamour model from showing them to a watching nation.

As she went to peel her top off to get rid of assorted cockroaches crawling in her cleavage (not Peter Andre), she stopped and said: ‘I’m not allowed to do that, am I?’

‘The comment,’ says the Star, ‘upset fans who were hoping she’d live up to her vow to bare all.’

After all, it’s something none of us have seen before.’

Posted: 28th, January 2004 | In: Tabloids Comment | TrackBack | Permalink