Frozen In Time

‘EVEN in this multimedia age, this has to be a first – the Star this morning offers its readers “exclusive live pics from Oz” of I’m A Celebrity winner Kerry McPudding and husband Bryan.

LIVE! Watch the McPuddings in action

Luckily for us, the pair have decided not to make up for the fortnight they have spent apart by trying to add a Billy to their collection of Lilys and Mollys.

[Indeed, the very thought of catching a glimpse of Kerry’s lettuce is enough to turn even a hardened vegetarian into a carnivore.]

Instead, the two seem happy simply to gaze into the camera lens for hours and hours and hours on end.

After two hours of watching for even a glimmer of movement from the pair, there are those of us in Anorak Towers who suspect that these pictures may not be as live as the Star boasts.

Either that or the screen has frozen on our copy of the paper.

So we turn our attention to Kerry’s fellow contestant, Jordan, and yet more “live pics from Oz” as she and Peter Andre finally do it.

Jordan, as many will know, is no stranger to performing for the camera, but even she comes across all shy today.

However, we haven’t missed anything as the “it” that they did appears to be no more than a bit of phone sex after show bosses banned them from flying back to the UK together “in case they indulged in a naughty mile-high romp”.

Yeah, right.

The truth appears to be that, while Peter is flying to Europe to try to breathe some life into the corpse that is his pop career, Jordan is heading for Hollywood.

She is ditching her hell-raising image, says the paper, to launch a career as the next Pamela Anderson.

Yeah, right again.

“I’m meeting up with a top Los Angeles agent to look at work over there and I am having a meeting with an Australian management company about representing me over here,” she said.

“There are going to be changes.”

One day she will wear a gold bikini, the next it will be pink. Sometimes she’ll have her top on, sometimes she’ll have her top off.’

Posted: 12th, February 2004 | In: Tabloids Comment | TrackBack | Permalink