Score Draw

‘SOME stories are just so good, the papers just can’t resist one more bite.

‘And in the pink corner…’

The Star revisits the Rooney-McLoughlin bloodbath with the kind of vital statistic that every football fan requires.

‘2O PINTS EACH IN SIX HOURS,’ trumpets the front page, adding for good measure that the guests at the 18th birthday bash managed to drink their way through a £10,000 bar kitty before the main entertainment (a mass brawl between the families of the England prodigy and his fiancée Colleen) had even started.

The fight started after an incident with Rooney’s mum, who was apparently a bit tiddly by 8.30, but the paper says that Wayne has told her he doesn’t blame her for the subsequent events.

And Wayne can’t really be blamed either. A spokesman said that he wasn’t involved ‘in any way shape or form’, and we believe him.

The paper clearly states that the partygoers ‘necked’ an average of 20 pints each.

And as we all know, young Wayne was born with an unusual medical condition known colloquially as ‘no-neck’.

Case dismissed.’

Posted: 30th, March 2004 | In: Tabloids Comment | TrackBack | Permalink