Taking The Michael

‘ANOTHER story set to run and run is the saga of the NFN (Normal For Norfolk) ‘Lottery Lout’ Michael Carroll.

Don’t live a little, live a Lotto

Carroll won nearly ten million quid with his first (and presumably last) lottery ticket, but he hasn’t let it change him.

He has continued to break the law, and can usually be relied upon to assume his trademark pose for the cameras: can of lager in one hand, while the other gives the one-fingered salute.

This time he is in the news because of the medical note which he used to avoid arrest last week for non-appearance in court on a charge of handling stolen goods.

Although he was supposed to be ill, the Norfolk gangsta was spotted ‘sprawled over two chairs’ in a quaint-looking café in King’s Lynn.

When asked what he was planning to do to celebrate his 21st birthday, the lardy Rangers fan scowled from under his chav-cap and said: ‘Sniffing cocaine.’

The reporter asked for a serious answer, to which he replied: ‘I am sniffing cocaine, you had better fuck off.’

Then he spat on the ground.

He was later seen emerging from the café again, beer in hand. (Stella Artois – nothing but the best.)

Charles Joyce of the West Norfolk Crime Reduction Partnership – a rival gang to Carroll’s – is another man who usually makes an appearance in these stories.

And sure enough, he pops up at the end to give his two-penny worth.

‘He should have been arrested and kept in the cells over the weekend,’ he said.

Then he spat on the floor and walked off, slapping neighbourhood watch stickers on lampposts as he disappeared into the dark hinterlands of England’s strangest county.’

Posted: 30th, March 2004 | In: Tabloids Comment | TrackBack | Permalink