Alpha Mail

‘THE Daily Mail likes to return to certain stories too, the exceptions being house prices and immigration.

INSIDE – MIGRANTS PUSH UP HOUSE PRICES

That’s because, in order to return to a story, one has to have left it alone for a while, and no-one here at Anorak Towers – and there are not many here who will see 90 again – can remember a single day upon which the Mail did not run a piece on either of these subjects.

So it was with some surprise and alarm that we report that, although there is a lengthy news story on the ‘migrant minister’ scandal, there is NO house-price story today.

But never fear! The Mail won’t let you down. There, next to the leader column, is a handsome essay by city editor Alex Brummer entitled: ‘When WILL the bubble burst?’

It warns of doom and gloom, and ends in lip-smacking fashion: ‘In the meantime, we can only hope that the large majority of those who have been doing the borrowing will not over-extend themselves so that when the adjustment to house prices comes – as it inevitably will – it will not be too traumatic.’

Thank you Alex, now please adjust your clothing and go back to your desk.

And if that kind of thing isn’t to your liking, may we bring to your attention a curious little piece of trumpet-blowing on page 34, entitled: ‘Your Cleaner Daily Mail.’

‘You may not be aware,’ it says, ‘but the Daily Mail you are reading is printed using a special water-based ink which doesn’t come off on your hands or clothing. This makes it Britain’s cleanest newspaper – another reason for choosing the Mail.’

Or why not choose Anorak instead? We have never come off on anyone’s hands or clothing. And we’re proud to say that none of our readers has ever asked us to.’

Posted: 30th, March 2004 | In: Tabloids Comment | TrackBack | Permalink