State Of The Nation

”ROYLE BRITANNIA’ announces the Sun, above a picture of couch-potato Jim from the Royle Family. ‘We’re idle nation hooked on junk food and the box.’

‘When’s Topless Darts on?’

But is this a warning or a boast?

The accompanying article says that as a nation we eat badly, have TV sets blaring all day all over the house, and are raising a generation of promiscuous kids with increasing levels of sexual diseases.

Whereas the Sun, on the other hand, offers free McDonald’s vouchers, page upon page of ‘telly’ gossip disguised as news, and, on the page opposite the Royle exposé, a topless pin-up of two teenage twins from Middlesbrough, whose boyfriends often mistake one for the other when drunk and ‘grab the wrong one and kiss us’.

The Sun may be schizophrenic, but the Daily Mail knows where it stands.

As we have often remarked, the Mail has to have articles about immigration and house prices every day – even if they have to go to extraordinary lengths to contrive a story.

Immigration is no problem today: the front page boasts of a huge feature (‘EXPOSED: THE GREAT IMMIGRATION CONSPIRACY – PAGES 2,12,13,14,15’).

Great – but it doesn’t leave much room for house prices, does it?

Don’t worry, turn to pages 24-25, where the ‘real-life’ models form the Dove advertisements are posing in their underwear.

Each model is listed, complete with vital statistics. That is to say age, height, weight, dress size…and property specifications.

Yes, that’s right. Meet Coralie Rose (24, 5ft 4in, 8st 7lb, size 8-10, two-bedroom flat in West London). And Emma Darwish (25, 5ft 4in, 8st 5lb, size 10, flat in South-West London). And so on…

‘IN LURVE WITH OUR CURVES’ says the headline. And the property curve is the sexiest of the lot.’

Posted: 31st, March 2004 | In: Tabloids Comment | TrackBack | Permalink