So Much To Loos

‘EXCLUSIVE to every paper this morning is the news of David Beckham’s alleged affair with his PA, Rebecca Loos.

‘Your seven bedroom rambling mansion or mine?’

And each paper also takes the trouble to transcribe the entire transcripts of their interminable text conversations, complete with carefully counted asterisks, so that the true meaning can still be conveyed within the usual constraints of a family newspaper.

(I want to feel your c*** in my p**** etc. That’s ‘cash’ and ‘purse’, by the way.)

More interesting is what the papers don’t have in common – the little twists that set them apart.

The Star brings in its top football man Brian Woolnough to offer some advice.

First, he points out that ‘if the most famous couple in the world can ride this latest crisis, then Posh and Becks have to be together’.

Then he takes the opportunity to suggest that this might be achieved by Becks returning to England and playing for Chelsea – a story that certain journalists have been banging away at for weeks, without any evidence to back it up.

And finally, donning his pundit hat, big Brian says that it is important that this business doesn’t affect Becks’ form for Euro 2004.

This competition, he reminds us, is ‘our best chance of glory since the 1966 World Cup’.

And unless the FA acquire a time machine and keep sending the team back to Japan 2002 until they win the damn thing, he’s probably right.

The Mail are unable to find an immigration angle to the Becks affair, so they do the next best thing.

Above the story on the front page is a huge banner advertising the latest immigrant scandal covered within, and they concentrate instead upon other important angle of the Spanish crisis.

Can you guess what it is? Yes, that’s right:

‘Born into one of one of Madrid’s most eminent families, Rebecca Loos possesses an intrinsic upper-class confidence that ‘Posh’ Spice Victoria Beckham can only dream of.

‘The daughter of Dutch diplomat Leendert Willem Alberto Loos Bartholdi and his English wife Elizabeth, she still lives with her parents in a rambling seven-bedroom mansion in one of the Spanish capital’s most exclusive suburbs…”

Posted: 5th, April 2004 | In: Tabloids Comment | TrackBack | Permalink