Bermuda Shorts

‘TRY not to panic. You have not been abandoned. Breathe in deeply. And then out. And then in. And then out.

‘We will fight them on the unspoilt sandy beaches…’

Count to ten, if you can. Stockpile tins of Spam and oven ready chips. Lock the doors. Pull up the drawbridge. Man the barricades. Sit tight.

But do not panic. Rest assured that when he is good and ready, Tony Blair will return, and he’ll come back bolder, stronger and with a radiant tan to make Kilroy blush.

Right now the people of Bermuda need him, and that means we will have to be brave, stoic even, and wait. Chins up.

The war on terror has taken Tony to many corners of the earth, and now it takes him to the far-flung Caribbean, and this time he’s taken along his family, just in case things don’t pan out.

Like the British Army in Basra, Tony’s dispensed with the panoply of body armour, guns and heavyweight security and has been seen moving around the island helmetless and with minimal fuss.

The Mail has a picture of Tony posing with some Allied forces also stationed on the island, standing before the camera with John Potter, a ‘company director’ from West Virginia, his courageous wife LaMoine, teenage daughter Lexi and her friend Lauren.

After the shot, John said that he and Tony talked briefly and, in the course of their conversation, he thanked the British for their support in America’s war on terrorism.

And then trouble struck. While our leader dangled Leo on his knee, another man stepped forward. ‘Hey Tony, is that your grandson?’ he called out.

‘No. It’s my son,’ quipped Tony, like a Gatling, ‘but I obviously need to get back to the gym.’

But there’s no time for gyms – not with a war to be won.’

Posted: 14th, April 2004 | In: Tabloids Comment | TrackBack | Permalink